If you feel like your time is completely accounted for, that may be a legitimate concern. According to Changing Rhythms of American Family Life by Melissa A Milkie, parents are spending more time than ever with their children.
Campbell Soup commissioned a survey by OnePoll and found that moms spend 97 hours a week parenting. If this work was paid annually mothers would be paid roughly $100,000/year (2019).
Women are expected to juggle multiple roles and develop managerial skills that work best for our own situation. Mothers serve as chefs, teachers, counselors, nurses, accountants, event planners, and cleaners.
To juggle multiple roles a parent should be able to prioritize tasks, communicate effectively with members of the family, understand the needs of the members involved, and then make effective decisions using the sum of this information. In this way, Motherhood starts to sound like a fortune 500 job description.
The reality is that juggling multiple tasks is hard and if a ball is to be sacrificed, we often choose to sacrifice ourselves.
What is Self Care?
Self care represents a variety of behaviors used by individuals to promote, restore, or maintain health (Godfrey et al., 2019).
Examples of Self Care Behaviors
- Taking time out for yourself
- Engaging in pleasurable activities
- Delegating child care
- Taking care of your physical and emotional health
- Sleep
- Rest
- Lowering expectations associated with parenting (Raynor et al., 2016)
Self care has been shown to decrease the effects of chronic stress. In this way, self care may serve as a protective mechanism.
Black women in particular are impacted by health disparities resulting in higher rates of mortality for heart disease, cancer, stroke, and diabetes. African American women are three to four times more likely to die during or after delivery than white women (Roeder, 2020). These health disparities are linked to larger issues surrounding systemic racism, class, gender bias and chronic stress.
"For women of color, self care behaviors may serve as a protective mechanism."
Discrimination has health consequences that affect the individual and also their children. A study of 343 African American women in Detroit showed a link between increased discrimination over time and depressive symptoms. When discrimination increased, symptoms of depression also increased (schultz et al., 2006).
This same pattern was identified in pregnant women experiencing discrimination at work; however, they also found a heartbreaking connection to their children. Pregnant women experiencing discrimination showed increased levels of postpartum depressive symptoms and their children also had poor outcomes including low birth weight, low gestational ages, and increased number of doctor visits.
A study by Cynthia Colen, associate professor of sociology at The Ohio State University, showed that Children’s exposure to discrimination also affects their mother’s health (2019). They found that mothers of children who reported discrimination were more likely to face a decline in their health between age 40 to 50 than mothers who reported low levels of discrimination. When you consider that children as young as 7 experience discrimination, the cumulative effects are staggering.
Although the demands and environmental conditions of parenting can lead to increased stress and burnout, self care may be a shielding strategy.
It is well documented that mindfulness-based stress reduction decreases anxiety, depression symptoms and improved self esteem. In this way, self care may serve as a protective mechanism for women of color.
Research supports the link between parent health and the well being of their children (Shonkoff & Phillips, 2000); therefore, one could argue that self care is also an important component to effective parenting.
Self-care ideas for your daily routine:
Accept your limitations
It can be tough to ignore the messaging that moms are “superheroes,” but even superheroes need rest. Accepting limitations means that you acknowledge your boundaries. It’s okay to know that you can only do so much in one day. It is also okay to ask for help.
Practice Daily Affirmations
Affirmations are statements that can help with positive thinking. They are statements that can shift your focus.
A way to make them more effective is to focus them on the present moment and couple them with action. For example, if your affirmation is “I accept help from others as a form of love and care,” try to further that statement by delegating a task (washing dishes, laundry, ordering food instead of cooking).
Prioritize your health
Healthy eating and exercise uplift your mood and alleviate stress. Proper nutrition gives you the fuel to keep going and can increase your energy. Spiritual and mental health help keep you grounded. Take time to pray, meditate or reflect. This can promote a deeper sense of purpose and promote positive thinking. If you need additional support, consider a therapist.
Self care can be a challenge to practice. We often feel like we do not have time and societal expectations of motherhood can make it difficult to give ourselves permission. However, fostering self awareness and self compassion is best for yourself and your family.
