If you’ve been following along in our self care series we’ve discussed the overall concept of self care, barriers to permission and mom guilt. Today we are tackling kindness and ways to foster it for yourself.
Full disclosure here, I have perfectionist traits. Most healthcare providers do. Perfectionism can be both helpful and problematic. For me, my traits don’t manifest as feelings of hopelessness or feelings of being overwhelmed; but I do worry and struggle with feelings of anxiousness. More specifically, I worry about outcomes.
In the hospital, it is fairly normal to be concerned with the health of a patient under my care. There is a demand for excellence and precision in this field.
Although high standards can be motivating, they can also be incredibly stressful. In the parenting sphere they can also unrealistic.
Perfectionism in parenthood may look like
- Posting photos on social media that are carefully curated with the intention of creating an ideal image of oneself or ones family
- Spending a large amount of time and energy keeping your home neat and organized to avoid judgement or criticism
- Difficulty being happy for other moms who are “getting it right”
The difference between perfectionism and striving to be your best, is that perfectionism is often a protective mechanism. For example, it may stem from the fear of failure, fear of disapproval or insecurity.
Research shows that having greater self compassion leads to greater life satisfaction, interconnectedness with others, optimism, and increased happiness. Self compassion is associated with less self criticism, depression, anxiety, and fear of failure.
Recognize that self care is an act of kindness and it may take some time to change your habits. If you’re stumped on how to get started, take a look at some of the suggestions below.
Be mindful of your internal dialogue
Internal dialogue is the way you talk to yourself. If you are having a bad day, struggling with guilt, or feeling overwhelmed with demands of caregiving, think of one of your friends. Would you be critical? What tone of voice would you use? Try to use a tone of voice that is soothing to yourself, a tone that is validating and motivating.
Try thinking of your shared experience
Motherhood is complicated and rewarding. If you are having a hard time, consider that you are not alone in your trials. You have a community of moms who are standing with you.
Acknowledge your feelings but don’t let them consume you
There is a popular comic by the artist KC Green called “On Fire”
The part that was made into a viral meme is when the character is sitting in a room, surrounded by fire, drinking coffee and the caption reads, “This is fine.” Nothing about feeling overwhelmed is fine. It is best to both recognize your feelings and acknowledge them. This is called emotional acceptance. If we recognize the room is on fire (i.e. anxiety, sadness, etc) we may be able to recognize our needs and create a plan to make adjustments. Give yourself some time to honor your experience.
If you struggle with feelings of hopelessness, anxiety, or depression reach out to your doctor
